Time to confess

So after a week of thinking long and hard about where I was going with Curt, I decided I couldn't do it.

My Mature Reasons-
-he is 32 and wants to get married
-all his friends are married
-I feel the want for me to be just like his friends' wives.
-We've only been dating for a month
-He pinches me on the butt in very inappropriate times...like when I'm on my exclamation point and have knife stabbingly sharp pains and trying to relax as much as possible. ASS! <--can't tell you how pissed I was since I was EXTREMELY sick too!

My Immature Reasons-
-I can't get RT out of my mind!
-I feel like I'm more mature than Curt....most of the time!
-I'm 24! and maybe I want to be single when I hit my quarter-life crisis exactly a month from today!
-I don't want to feel guilty if I go visit RT in Austin again. The River is calling my name again since its now up in the 90s!!
-Did I tell you I still think about RT! I'm hopeless!

Curt took it surprisingly well, but I was pushed further away when he made the comment "I'm a big boy Allie, I can handle it". Ummm....ok?!?!


Red Rover, Red Rover, Please send Young, Handsome, and financially stable over!

Mind vs Heart

RT has been calling me a lot lately. Yes, we've been best friends for a long time but its obvious some of our feelings are still there...and deep. We talk mostly about his school, and crack a few jokes but somehow dating came up the other night. I'm not a lair by any means so I decided to suck it up and tell him I went on a blind date with someone and we are now casually dating. He seemed speechless as if I had cheated on him. It was so weird. We got off the phone quickly and then the texts started...as if it were easier for him to be sad or disappointed through a text.
RT: I'm not mad. You are right, you can't just wait around.
Me: I just wanted to be honest. You are my best friend and I don't want to jeopardize that.
RT: That means a lot. Thank you.

I was seriously crushed. It was like I had chosen another boy over him...when in all reality I didn't know he was one of my choice (and still don't).

I like Curt but at this point our relationship is nowhere near RT and I's but I still want to see where it will go. I swear my Heart is launching an all out war with my Mind. Help!

O'well, like I told RT I can't just wait around for him to figure out where he is in his life so I'm going to continue to have fun and date. AND if something deeper and stronger comes along....well then it just wasn't meant to be.....right????

I'M LOST!!

Why are boys so difficult?!?!

text from RT night before last:
"Guess we're not buddies anymore"
Me:
"Why? Did I do something?"


about an hour later I get a phone call...
RT:
" Hey you haven't called in a few days"
Me:
"Well you have a phone too"
RT:
"Well I knew I had been calling you a lot lately so I was waiting for you to call me"
Me:
" What? Why? that's just gay!! Now I know I told you when we started talking again I was going to give you plenty of space since you said you were trying to stay focused on school, Plus my sister and niece are in town so I've been a little busy."
RT:
"Oh yeah, well no biggie I was just joking with you. I never thought we weren't buddies anymore."

***This is as close to WORD TO WORD as its going to get

Ok well he has called me twice since then!!!

Now A Question for all you boys!!! WHY ARE YOU SO DIFFICULT!?!?!?!
What does this mean? Is he just trying to see where I stand? Is he disappointed I haven't been calling him like he has been calling me? Should I call him more? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN!?!?!
I'M LOST! :-(

My Brain <-- My Worst Enemy

Its 9:48pm and I find myself alone for the 2nd night in a row with hours of free time to just think. Think about what? What is going on in my head these days that could possible be so important to focus hours of free contemplation time on? Well my sister is in town so every few minutes a thought of her and my niece run threw my head. Then there is T, my closest friend, who has had recent boy trouble lately but now seems to have settled down a bit with a new one - which is mainly why I am stacking up on the free time. Or.... could I spend my night thinking of myself, my sorrows, and my boy troubles BUT why not shoot for the positive and think about progress at work and my killer good looks? HA! Yes, this is a tough question but I always seem to find myself on the short end thinking only of the negative......why, oh loyal brain must you bring me down!!!

Its night two and the boy hasn't called since Sunday night. Yes, RT....and for no reason known to me. Our last talk ended well with a goodnight before bedtime. O'well, it could be worse, I could be back in the boat I was in a year and half ago. Or I could be in the middle of a strange country with a guy I barely know having the worst time of my life! Oh good lord help me!

This mostly positive, crazy energetic, southern spunk of a girl sometimes hits a low key.....and yes, I'm sad to say(or type), this is it. Don't worry though, I'm sure I'll be back on my game bright and early at 6am!

G'night all.

boys boys boys....

ok so one of the "gmail" boys (reference previous post) sent me a "chat" while I was idle yesterday...


Cv: i know you are busy and i have a doctors appointment coming up today but later .. give me a call .. we need to talk

I'm sorry but doesn't this SCREAM "break up" of something to you....as if we were dating at all??? ok So I get back online b/c I'm super curious....

me: so I'm not busy now
whats up?
Cv: ok ... so I was thinking
you didn't have your spring break yet, right?
me: no but I don't really get one
Cv: but you could take a day off like ... let's say .. Friday or so? .. anyway .. i know you are busy with Em(my sis) and your niece and Easter is coming up .. but sometime after that ... it would be nice if we could do something .. no strings, no pressure .. just plain fun
me: ok, I could probably do that
me: I'm not sure what you are thinking
so how about you throw your ideas my way
and I say "Cool" or "Yuck"
Cv: ok .. so i saw you expressed some interest in NYC and San Fran .. those are one option ... the other is Cancun ... throwing you out of the plane .. I can do that any day :).
me: haha, ok, just us or is this a group venture?
Cv: well unfortunately .. most of my friends are on spring break as we speak
me: oh soo...what would the plan be when we get there
either NYC, San Fran, or Cancun
Cv: NYC .. there is a ton of things to do ... city never sleeps .. sightseeing, eat, drink .. etc .. same with san fran .. Cancun .. i am thinking relax on the beach and .. i have never been snorkeling .. i wanna try that


OK So this is kind of awkward for me....I've gone out with this guy a few times but we've never even kissed. He just seems more like a good friend to me now. Based on the way he asked and the comments he made...what do you think? Of course I want to go, It would be super fun! BUT...would it be bad too? Would he think more of "us" than I want. Because as of right now he KNOWS I do not want a relationship. Actually I'm kinda at a lose as to why he wants me to go....He is cool and we have fun hanging out but why would he want to pay for just a (girl) friend to go to Cancun with him? Well actually he has tones of flyer miles due to work travel and he makes pretty good money...so I guess the money isn't an issue.
** background FYI: He is 30, polish, and hasn't seriously dated in 5 yrs b/c of his work travel. He's been back and forth between NYC, San Fran, Malon Italy, and Houston.

So with all that said....opinions are needed!!


oh and RT is coming in town tonight but I don't think we are meeting up til tomorrow night.
:: small smile ::


OH BOYS BOYS BOYS...what have I gotten myself into!