as I cry....

I grew up riding, raising, and breeding horses. They were my life as a kid. I did all my chores just to please my mom so she would continue my riding lessons. Our horses are our family and as much as I wish I couldn't remember the first time we put one down I do....vividly.

This weekend was tragic and yes, I cried. Eight Belles, a beautiful 3 year old filly was put down immediately after winning 2nd place in the Kentucky Derby against 19 colts! This was a day for celebration not just because Eight Belles won 2nd place but because she was the first filly in the Derby since 1999. Sadly this was all overtaken after she was ridden a quarter lap past the finish and collapsed with two broken front ankles. Because she broke both front ankles she didn't have a front leg to stand on and be splinted, therefor it was almost impossible for her to recover properly so the quick decision was made to put the young filly down.

*and the tears fall...

RIP Eight Belles

My Brain <-- My Worst Enemy

Its 9:48pm and I find myself alone for the 2nd night in a row with hours of free time to just think. Think about what? What is going on in my head these days that could possible be so important to focus hours of free contemplation time on? Well my sister is in town so every few minutes a thought of her and my niece run threw my head. Then there is T, my closest friend, who has had recent boy trouble lately but now seems to have settled down a bit with a new one - which is mainly why I am stacking up on the free time. Or.... could I spend my night thinking of myself, my sorrows, and my boy troubles BUT why not shoot for the positive and think about progress at work and my killer good looks? HA! Yes, this is a tough question but I always seem to find myself on the short end thinking only of the negative......why, oh loyal brain must you bring me down!!!

Its night two and the boy hasn't called since Sunday night. Yes, RT....and for no reason known to me. Our last talk ended well with a goodnight before bedtime. O'well, it could be worse, I could be back in the boat I was in a year and half ago. Or I could be in the middle of a strange country with a guy I barely know having the worst time of my life! Oh good lord help me!

This mostly positive, crazy energetic, southern spunk of a girl sometimes hits a low key.....and yes, I'm sad to say(or type), this is it. Don't worry though, I'm sure I'll be back on my game bright and early at 6am!

G'night all.

Chapter 2 out of The Book of Allie's Woes

OK Jamie (Oh! How Lovely) inspired this post with her recent troubles.

Just another lovely story out of The Book of Allie's Woes....

In January of '07 about a week after the X and I split my mom calls to check up on me. Well somewhere in the middle of our convo she reveals to me that she is thinking of divorcing my dad....WHAA?!?! Where did this come from? "Allie, its been brewing for some time" Well she went on to tell me she just didn't think it was right anymore and she wanted to take a trip to Tenn. to visit our horses, get away and think about things. Problem - our horse trainer, who is newly divorced, lives in Tenn.. Well my mom was quick to state they are just friends which I have ALWAYS believed to be true...but if I didn't trust my mom at this point I would think it was fishy. Plus I knew him very well and he was a cool guy.
OK back to my mom.....WHILE my life is in a million pieces all over my apartment floor my mom decided this very moment was the RIGHT time to tell me this?!?!? NOT COOL MOM!!! SO... DEVASTATED I WAS AGAIN!
Well of course I talked to my dad and he was lost and didn't understand. I know he was NOT happy that she was going to Tenn. alone too. Well nothing came of the trip but when she came back she was still gung-ho about the divorce. My dad would call me with any new information he had or when he was just sad. I got so many calls I could barely keep up and my mom was turning into a stranger I'd never met. First weird change in my mother...she got her belly button pierced. 2nd...she got long blonde hair extensions. 3rd... she bought a little black bmw sports car. Just SCREAMS MID-LIFE CRISIS if you ask me.

Well she ended up moving out and in with my Grandfather for about 6 months. Now he lives about 15 min from me. Sadly I wasn't even interested in seeing her so we never really met up while she lived there.

I'm not sure when the transition happened but I think somewhere down the road my mom realize she was going to LOOSE everything if she didn't stop her wild and free ways....so her and my dad started "dating" again.

Well I'm currently happy to report she moved back in a couple months ago and they are doing great....just in time for the bad new my dad received. I'm just glad she is there for him.

But let me tell you, this SUCKS for anyone on the outside looking in. I just wanted to SHAKE my mom and tell her to WAKE UP! WHO ARE YOU!
Its like something just got into her and she wanted to be young and free again as if she never had the ability to do it before. <-- which in a way she didn't b/c she had my sister and I both before she was 22. I couldn't imagine having to toddlers running around me right now...YICKS!

So my conclusion...Do not marry young even if you think you are ready! You haven't had enough FREE time to find yourself and enjoy the SINGLE life....
You are silly if you think this is not true and you will only find out.....hmmmm around the age of 44?!?!?! haha!

I hate to think this happens everyday and most of the couples do not get back together. Its just heartbreaking the rate of divorce these days....so sad.

1 step forward 10 steps back!

With each new day I've grown even more excited about life and the new adventures I've decided to pursue....up 'til yesterday.

I was having a great day...regardless of the horrid rain. I was in Circuit city buying a new TV and getting a new video card for my computer (Yes I've been living in the stone ages for a few weeks b/c my video card burnt up!). Well, as I was standing in line my mom calls. "Do you have time to talk?" she asks. "Well give me a few minutes and I will", "ok". I get in my car to head home when my mom goes on to tell me about my Dad's multiple doctor visits...which she previously told me was "just" for his high blood pressure. "Just a cover up" she said b/c my Dad wasn't ready to reveal the truth to anyone, for fear of being disowned or ostracized. I was shocked and so sad all at the same time. Ok I know at this point you want to know what it is that he has but I'm not ready to reveal it right now especially since my dad is not comfortable with it. All I can say is it is chronic and depending on the progression, which will be revealed in his upcoming test results, there is a high % chance he could die from it. This would be the point in time where I started bawling my eyes out. My mom just said I don't want you to take this lightly b/c it is very serious, we just don't know the severity yet.

So my upbeat energetic mood has quickly been replaced by worry and sadness....

Please keep my Daddy in your prayers.

A Fresh Start

Ok this being my first post...I'm going to go all out.

2007 in a nutshell was a BAD year for me. Where to begin?? How about in Jan? Ok so I started 2007 going to my best friends wedding with my boy friend of two years. The man I knew I was going to marry and we had both made that very clear to his family and mine. Maybe looking at rings clued everyone in. Well now is about the time I should tell you about one of my good girl friends who happened to live across the way from me in my apartment complex, therefore we saw each other often. Plus she went to the same church me and the BF went to.
Well about 2 weeks into January the bf and I started arguing over weird petty stuff and decided maybe we should take some time and space to make sure we still want to get married. So I laid low but we still talked everyday...and even saw each other ofter.

Well about 2-3 weeks later I walk to my car to go to the store and to my horror I see who else but my bf (or whatever he is at this point) sneaking up the BACK side of my friends apartment building. Well since she lives on the font side and I knew at this point he was going to see her, I waited down stairs for him to walk back forward on the 3 floor so I could see him knock on her down....and about a minute later there he was! I was sitting in my car at this point and I didn't even have to honk...he saw me, he knew I was pissed and what did he do. He waved a very nervous low wave. Now I drive a pretty fast sports car so lets just say I speed off with a lead foot!!!

I was so sad and so upset and so devastated! My bf and my good friend...I would have never guessed. Maybe it was the fact that she has a 7 year old son or the fact that he would talk negatively about her and how she lives her life and now he is DATING HER! Why are men such wimps....no balls to tell me the truth or to even separated himself enough to make me believe we were not still getting married! I had no clue.

So lets move ahead about 5 months, I decided to move far away btw! Broke my lease to do so.
ok so I get a phone call from the x's old best friend who YES dated my old good friend. We used to go on double dates. Well his news was all but calming. THEY WERE ENGAGED! And there were pic on their myspace of the ring...well to my shock that ring sure looked a lot like the one I picked out!!!!! So devastated AGAIN!

ok skip forward to Dec. 1. I get another phone call from the same guy. They are getting married this weekend!!!! WHAT?!?!? It hasn't even been a YEAR since we split.
DEVI STATED AGAIN!!!!

Then last but not least I go to their myspace at the end of the month to see if they posted wedding pics just too see what she looked like...b/c I was mad and curious and wanted to find something to pick fun of! Well I was shocked to see they had posted pics from their Honeymoon and WHERE THEY WENT!! To Banff, Alberta Canada!! Where we had gone on a trip together with his parents just a year earlier!!! WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO TAKE YOUR NEW WIFE THERE?!?!?!
Whats weird is she knew all of this b/c she was my friend! She also new what the ring I picked out looked like. Why did she not have a problem with any of this?!?!? I know why b/c she just wanted to get married and he is controlling and wanted everything the same as how we had planned it!!! PSYCHO!!

Ok vent over...don't judge me too much this was a very traumatic experience....worse than any drama movie I have ever seen...and this is just the short version.