damned if I do, damned if I don't

so Curt sent me a text at work yesterday.

Curt:Hey Allie, just thinking about you, I hope you are doing well.

I wasn't going to reply since it had been a least a week since our last brief conversation but my mom told me to be nice just in case he really did have feelings for me. Keep in mind its been a few weeks now since we had our talk about me not being in the same place as him and not wanting to move forward. She told me to remember what it was like when I liked someone that wasn't all into me. So with that quilt I text him back but not til later on in the night.

Me: I'm really not a bad person. I'm just not in it anymore. I'm not as ready as I thought I was. Scared or not I have a lot of problems I need to work through. Sorry it took me so long to reply just needed the time 2 think.

Curt: I don't understand
I agree you are not a bad person, but honestly, just immature, the life experience is not there. Yeah I acted like a dork, was goofy at times but I was just having fun which is what it is all about. Allie, I also know what I want when I see it and am not scared to go after it because it does not come around very often. Life is too short to sweat the small shit and spend all your time trying to figure yourself out. There is a lot more I could say but I guess it doesn't matter now. All I know is that I have feelings for you and that is all that matters. Take care.


YES that was ALL in one text!! I was like WHAA?!?!?! Damned if I do, Damned if I don't! What the hell!

Needless to say I did NOT reply. First off no one has ever called me immature! Ever! All I've ever heard my whole life was "you are mature beyond your years" so where does he get that I'm immature? -Because I can't force myself to continue something I don't want to????? And what in the world does he mean life is too short to figure yourself out??? I'm sorry but I think its a mature decision to not bring someone into my life if I haven't quite figured out what I WANT! This might actually be the reason most marriages end, b/c they didn't really know what they wanted.

BOYS! Don't patronize a girl for telling the truth. Seriously I could have been the typical biotch and not answered any of his calls or text and just ignored him.

Humph!

My Little Boy!!

Meet Dominus Villa (Latin for Master of the house). We call him Dom or Dominus for short. My parents breed, raise, and show Saddlebred horses so I've grown up with them my whole life. He is our first baby boy so I claimed him as mine from day one! He's been in training for a year and a half now so I haven't seen him in forever. This is him at his very first show 2 weeks ago!! He placed 2nd!!! Because he is the Sh*t! That and he is very studly and talented!

**Oh and if you would like to buy him, the opening bid is $55,000. just fyi. If you ask me though...he is worth so much more.

Up and Down, Round and Round

Why has everything been so hard lately?

So Memorial weekend had its ups and downs. A lot of stuff went on.

Friday night-low key party at a friends
Saturday-pool pool pool...
Sat night-(Where is gets a little complicated)
Looking super fly, we went to a 80's party at a club in Down town. T wanted to leave to meet up with her new BF so I decided to go with. Somewhere between the cab drive and walking in the club I got frustrated. I tried to blow it off since we were in a Salsa club and the music was great, BUT (big BUT) the BF's friend, who was about a foot shorter than me(no relevance, just thought you should know) would not leave me alone. I had never met him before and it was like he wanted to hold a 20 min conversation in a tornado of noise. I felt like T just left me to fend for myself. Why is it girls forget about who they are with and what they are doing when they are with a boy they are trying to impress. I felt extremely out of place, alone and believe it or not insecure. I wanted to go home...NOW! I sat down for a good 10 min before T even noticed I wasn't having a good time. After a few weird faces from her she asked the BF if we could all leave and we headed out. On the street she and the BF took a stride that put them at least 30 feet in front of me. But guess who stayed back with me???? Yes the annoying friend. He asked me if I was ok and when I repied I'm not really having a good time he said something along the lines of his night being worse b/c he had been at that club all night. All I could think was THIS IS NOT A COMPETITION! I'm having a horrible time, leave me the hell alone! It was at this very moment when I thought this that I stopped in my tracks and decided I was calling a cab. I was ready to go home. The friend calls out to T and BF to let them know I was on the phone. Of course T is upset but at this point I had started crying and didn't care. I was sick of doing what everyone else wanted to do! Do you hear me??? SICK OF IT! So here I was in a little mini dress, super high heals, sitting on the steps in front a Gap, crying my eyes out. I was overwhelmed with rejection from the boy I love, pressure from my best friend, and annoyance from a little man that wouldn't shut up! Seriously, what is a girl supposed to do at a moment like this? Me? I cry. Sadly it didn't end there. I wasn't allowed to leave alone b/c T said so (ok mommy). So We all left and guess who I had to sit in the back seat with?? YEAH that guy! We end up going back to the BF's house and when we finally arrive the friend thought it necessary to tap me really hard about 5 times on the shoulder. I'm assuming that he thought I was asleep. No sir, I was just ignoring you! Well, to my surprise we were ALL staying the night there. I tried to call my other girl friend to pick me up but as my luck would have it my phone was beeping at me since it was about to die. WHY God?? WHY?? So as the night went on I fell asleep on the sofa....UNTIL I woke up to the friend stomping down the stairs. I guess he decided he wanted to watch a movie.....and LOUD! He put on Dazed and Confused with the volume at I'll say 75 to get the point across! He must have noticed I woke up b/c while looking AT THE TV he mumbled, "I didn't mean to wake you". Then he turned around and said "Guess we are going to share the bed tonight"....WHAT??!?!?!?! A big U shaped sofa is not a bed and please stop being a CREEP! I wanted so badly to scream HELP!!! But as my luck would have it AGAIN about 10 minutes later while WE(the friend and I) were still awake I hear T upstairs railing the BF...not just sex, RAILING! After waking up the next morning I was told they broke the bed....how sweet it that. Thanks T! I've always wanted to hear what a wild night of sex would sound like with you and the BF but it only made the experience better sleeping by a babbling drunk ass douche! My hats to you for providing the worst night of my life!
I'm just glad the night is over and I never have to see that guy again! Unless my good luck comes back to bit me in the ass again....lets all hope not.

Thank God the rest of the weekend went quiet smoothly. We were all invited to a friend lake house in Livingston. We left Sunday morning and the weather could not have been more perfect.
Sunday was spent floating on the tubs, drinking, and showing a lot of skin. <-no boys yet and hey, we wanted to get tan on all those non-tan places. I started getting a little sea sick when the wake heighten so I decided to lay out on the dock. Alcohol + sea sick = passed out girl on the dock (with legs spread eagle and my left arm above my head)....which later on = super burnt girl on the dock with a sore arm, two faced (left WHITE, right RED),and fiery inner thighs (not sure about you but my crotch doesn't get much sun). The boys showed up late Sunday night just in time for the hot tub and ummm...more drinking.
Monday was a typical Memorial day. We all went out on the boat for some wake boarding, drink a lot more, then took a long nap before the drive home. I really had a good time and I was super happy the guys were so nice and not a one was over baring or even in hook up mode. We all had one thing in common, having a good, fun, relaxing holiday.

Now that Tuesday is here and I'm back at work, I'm really just glad I made it through the weekend alive. And YAY for a short work week! Lets hope this weekend is better.

btw: Happy late Memorial Day! Hope you had a good one!

crush-ed

This is a post I started last night...


sadly I'm crying at this very moment.

My crush, yes, my best friend, RT has elected to stop communication with me because he("we" really but I didn't mean it) finds it too hard for the two of us to remain friends. He loves me, he cares for me, he will miss me but he cannot move forward and have a girlfriend at this time in his life. It seems the pressure has grown too much. We have a long past that includes some pretty intense moments in our lives but I still love him and I know he loves me. In the hopes of something more I seemed to have pushed him further away....and this is where the tears flow. Its my fault. I wanted so much it causes me to lose it all.

I'm sad. I'm alone. I'm heart broken.

He really is the love of my life and truly my best friend.

What am I going to do now when I need a good laugh?
Who is going to talk me to sleep every night
Who will keep me updated on the latest and great youtube videos?
Who can I vent all my work frustrations to?
Who will let me share ever deep dark secret with them and not judge?
Who is going to love me for me? WHO?!?

I know Blogging gives me some relief but I want the hug that comes after the bad day. I want the kiss that comes after I love you. I want the warm body sprawled over me while watching tv. I want my best friend back.

I'm scared.

As my eyes grow puffy and my heart heavy I find myself only wanting to stay in the sanctuary of my own home...alone. Back to insecure depressed homebody 101.



Now thats where last nights post ends and this morning begins.

I talked to RT again late last night. He expressed his sadness knowing how dissapointed I was. He made it very clear that it wasn't me, he just couldn't put the effort into a (long distance)relationship like he knew I wanted. He worried that if we tried it things would turn sour. He says things like " I don't know if I'm cut out for dating....but then he says he's not sure if he will always feel this way. I haven't mentioned it yet b/c I got my hopes all up but Last week he came down and we spend 3-4 days together and had the best time. No pressure. No expectations. Equal comromise. (No sex just cuddling). I explained clearly to him that I want that! He agreed it was great but still worries(negatively) about the end result! Why do boys have such a hard time going out on a limb?!?! If he can tell me he loves me and that this last month has been great and we both want to spend time with one another doesn't that warrant trying things out?

wow almost started crying at work thinking about it.

Sex on the Mind

Not sure how it came up but sex was the main topic of conversation yesterday. I was with T and my other friend Ruby at the pool all day with a few hot boys when it all started. Hot boy numero uno, lets call him Sexy (very fitting for the time being), was definitely in my line of site all day. I was flirting hard core and found myself with a serious crush. We, being girls, giggled about all the hotties around us and kept cracking jokes about how much we missed sex! I won’t lie, all the talk made it really hard for me to stay composed. Thank god for the pool temp because I really needed to cool off! Well Sexy and his friend invited Ruby and I to dinner. It was there that they asked why we kept teasing about a drought. Well, Ruby is in love with a boy who, due to work reasons, moved to Denver, CO. So needless-to-say she doesn’t get any unless he is in town. Then there is me, and as much as I want to lay down the next hot boy I see (particularly the one sitting right next to me) I’m a good girl and I know that it would not be enjoyable FOR ME if I have no feelings for him. AND, if I’m going to have sex it had better be enjoyable damnit! Now I talk a lot and am not shy so the boys asked why I didn’t just have sex....as if I’m just going to give it up. HA! Silly boys! I explained that although I don’t mind talking about sex and all its pleasures that doesn’t mean I’m going to just go to bed with some guy I don’t know. Then I explained how my 1 one-night-stand in college ended with me unsatisfied! NO BUENO! Never again! Completely regretted it and still do! I can’t feel used while having sex....and I did...and it sucked.
Now don’t get me wrong, when and if the right guy comes alone (even if its not forever) I will be all over it! Sex is a must....good sex is a must! And with the amount of time that’s gone by now...it shouldn’t be that hard to please me.
Well back to the boys....dinner was good, along with the 2 hour sex convo but there wasn’t a if-we-had-sex-this-is-what-it-would-look-like moment like Kali’s....YES, I’m still jealous Girl! Sexy was nice but shy. His friend said if you like him you have to be pretty bold. So maybe next time we meet up I will muster up the courage to do something bold. Wish me luck! Oh, How I wish I had something more juicy to tell you...humph!
Well thats it....FOR NOW!

I miss my T!

T has invited me over tonight for Dinner, a movie, and shackin’ up....no get your mind out of the gutter! With Curt out of the way we can hang out again!! T is actually getting some nudie photos done tomorrow and she wants me to be there to help her pose and do make-up! I'm excited for her! I've always wanted to get some done but I'm a weenie. Plus I would want to be in the best shape of my life and needless-to-say I've been pretty lazy lately.
So question...
If you are a girl would you get some done?
If you are a guy would you want your girl to? If no why??

Some of my favorite poses:




And what the hell is going on today! No one is on gmail chat! Is today a holiday I forgot about or did everyone just take off work and not send me the memo? I'm super jealous! I want to be in bed right now....better yet, I want to be in bed right now with RT.

N.E.R.D. Baby!!!

and I'm not just talking about what the kids called me in Jr. High.


From what Pharrell said something bad happened so Shay couldn't make it. So Pictured is Chris, Myself, and Pharrell only. And I use only very lightly!


Make sure to check out that HUGE ROCK on his right hand. Oh my Lord!!



I'm hoping the Podcast gets posted soon so I can share it too!

Time to confess

So after a week of thinking long and hard about where I was going with Curt, I decided I couldn't do it.

My Mature Reasons-
-he is 32 and wants to get married
-all his friends are married
-I feel the want for me to be just like his friends' wives.
-We've only been dating for a month
-He pinches me on the butt in very inappropriate times...like when I'm on my exclamation point and have knife stabbingly sharp pains and trying to relax as much as possible. ASS! <--can't tell you how pissed I was since I was EXTREMELY sick too!

My Immature Reasons-
-I can't get RT out of my mind!
-I feel like I'm more mature than Curt....most of the time!
-I'm 24! and maybe I want to be single when I hit my quarter-life crisis exactly a month from today!
-I don't want to feel guilty if I go visit RT in Austin again. The River is calling my name again since its now up in the 90s!!
-Did I tell you I still think about RT! I'm hopeless!

Curt took it surprisingly well, but I was pushed further away when he made the comment "I'm a big boy Allie, I can handle it". Ummm....ok?!?!


Red Rover, Red Rover, Please send Young, Handsome, and financially stable over!

My Beautiful and Very Entertaining Niece!

2 Videos my Sister and BIL posted on youtube of my niece, Maddie. Keep in mind she isn't even 2 yrs old yet! Gotta love my MooMoo!

Her Favorite Song and her Favorite Word!

A-listers!

Entertainment for the weekend!!

Check out my new list of comical 20 somethings, just like me (I wish I was as funny!) --->>

They provide the best relief from work and more LOLs than a 13 yr old texting her BFF!
Check'em out!

My A-listers:

Your Beard is Good - funniest Indian I know!
The Typing Makes Me Sound Busy - props to the only chica that made the list!! I've never LOL so many times over one post!
Surviving Myself - Straight from NY! Funny because it's all so true!
Starting Over at 24 - Tales of a newly single 20 something coping to the wild world of dating!
Life In The Nook - a Country boy that reminds me everyday why I left for the big city! **no offense! You are Classic in my book!

Is Too Much Sugar a Bad Thing?

Things with Curtis are none the less great, maybe too great. He is so nice, maybe even too nice.

So I was at home sick Tuesday with what I'm assuming was/is a sinus infection. My throat is sore, my chest and head feel congested to the MAX and I get dizzy every time I stand.Shorty after waking up I got a phone call from Curt. He demanded I tell him what I needed to make it through the day. Without giving him an answer he stated he would stop by on his way to work. 8:30 came with a knock on my door. The sweet boy brought me orange juice and soup. To top that he checked in on me throughout the day and even stopped by the pharmacy on his lunch break to get me some Meds. How in the world could I ask for more...and why would I even think about RT at a time like this but sadly I did. But not to worry, it was very short lived....I spent most of the day asleep and only woke up in 5 min increments.
Curt is in KS for work til tonight so I’ve had some time to think.
Still trying to figure out if the "spark" is there. Why is it us girls second guess the good stuff but dive right into the sh*t! I don’t get it which is why I’m really trying to put 100% toward Curt! He really is great and from the story I told above my Mom loves him! Haha! Things are so good, seriously what girl doesn't love being taken care of? One regret...wish I didn't look like bride of Frankenstein when he came over Tuesday....o'well now. Maybe he digs the jacked up hair with no make-up look.

The only other good thing about Tuesday was NO WORK! Wish the rest of the week worked out the same!

Glow in the Dark!

Sorry its taken me so long to post my review on the show but I've been really sick and still am.

Ok so I don't have any pictures yet 1)because KRBE had their own photog and wouldn't let us take any and 2) because the Woodlands pavilion people made T check her camera. We were needless to say PISSED! Since when can you not have a camera at a concert??

Meeting Pharrell...

He is so awesome! Humble! and Funny!! I can't wait til KRBE posts the podcast! I will repost it on here asap! When he walked in he went around the room and shook hands with everyone. Because I was last (closest to the stages) I introduced myself to all the guys....only polite, right? Well a girl on the other side of the room must have been jealous and said, "Well now we all know who Allie is". HAHA! I loved it! I'm not going to lie, the entire interview Pharrell was looking at either T or I! Most likely because we were the two closest to him. Plus every time he said something funny we couldn't stop laughing. He started talking about a dispute with Walmart about being able to sale a clean album and Walmart just wasn't sure if they would sale it if kids could get a dirty version elsewhere. So Pharrell was like...what do you want me to do? Some words just have a deeper mean than their "substitutes". They just don't come across the same. Then he went on talking about what words he could use in place of his curse words to make the songs clean.

F*ck=Sex

Sh*t=Feces

Mother F*cker = Mother sexer

I don't think we were supposed to talk but b/c I was so close to him I said, "Dude, If you make an album like that I would totally buy it!" He laugh and said it would be more comedy than anything and I just replied I would still buy it! Not sure if it will be included on the podcast but it was hilarious!

So the rest of the interview was filled with SEX and FECES instead or F*ck and Sh*t! It was the funniest thing ever! I seriously had tears in my eyes.

KRBE took a pic of us but they haven't emailed them out yet....will post asap too.

Concert!

Lupe Fiasco hit the stage much earlier than he should have. The crowd was still filing in as he played. He brought his entourage, including Matthew Santos, Bishop G, Nikki Jean, and Sarah Green which I thought was awesome. Can I just say Sarah Green (I think that was her) has an amazing voice live!

N.E.R.D. was up next, and wow...that all I can say! Pharrell was amped and demanded security to allow anyone who wanted to mosh through to the front of the stage. He even picked a lucky few to get up on stage with him.

Rihanna’s set was the least enjoyable of the night. Overall, it was just an oddly-placed pop act amidst a handful of respectable hip-hop artists. I really do like her but it was as if the music was turned down and there was no bass....just wasn't what I excepted. It made it extremely hard to dance too...which was sad! <--oh yeah by this point I had sucked down a few drinks from the Bacardi tent and really wanted to dance!

Then there was Kanye...

From the seconds the lights dimmed to the time the venue’s lights came on, the crowd was deafening. The 17,000+ capacity venue was packed to the brim with screaming, drunk/high fans. I believe the concert was sold out at this point! It was nuts!

Jane, Kanye's spaceship was the main set of the show. West and Jane were on a mission to find other sources of creativity as they crash landed on another planet. Once creativity was found, they could find their way back home, where they would embrace the new found creativity. Although to me it was a bit cheesy, the concept supplied some pretty entertaining fillers in between songs. There was a little technical difficulty which Kanye stopped the concert, cursed a few times, then walked backstage to sort it all out but the show started back up shorty there after. He even wrote and apologized for it in his Blog! Kanye loves Houston!! YEAH! Haha!

Overall the best concert I've ever been too! Very energetic throughout! It helped that all the acts were Big names...at least in my book! In retrospect, I wish I had bought front row or pit tickets for this show! Would have been so worth it!

If Glow in the Dark is heading your way I would TOTALLY RECOMMEND going! Super fun!

as I cry....

I grew up riding, raising, and breeding horses. They were my life as a kid. I did all my chores just to please my mom so she would continue my riding lessons. Our horses are our family and as much as I wish I couldn't remember the first time we put one down I do....vividly.

This weekend was tragic and yes, I cried. Eight Belles, a beautiful 3 year old filly was put down immediately after winning 2nd place in the Kentucky Derby against 19 colts! This was a day for celebration not just because Eight Belles won 2nd place but because she was the first filly in the Derby since 1999. Sadly this was all overtaken after she was ridden a quarter lap past the finish and collapsed with two broken front ankles. Because she broke both front ankles she didn't have a front leg to stand on and be splinted, therefor it was almost impossible for her to recover properly so the quick decision was made to put the young filly down.

*and the tears fall...

RIP Eight Belles

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!

Got an email from my DJ friend...

Hey Allie,

Would you like to come to KRBE tomorrow at 2p for our Studio 104 with N*E*R*D(pharrell williams)? – they are opening for Kayne/Rihanna.

The invite’s for you and a guest. No sweat if you can’t/don’t wanna come, but let me know asap.

Thanks!

Mat Mitchell


WHOOOHOOOO!!!! TOTALLY EXCITED!!! AND SOO GOING! I LOVE PHARRELL!!!! YAY!! What a start to a great weekend! Then the concert! YES! Maybe we can get backstage to meet Kanye and Rihanna too!! OMG how cool!!

Poor Poor Paula

This Grammy Award-winning, American pop singer, dancer, choreographer, and television personality has found herself in the middle of some hot turmoil.

Lost on her notes?

Pre-scripted comments?

Used rehearsal notes?

Who really knows...if you ask me I think she is a total nut case. Now, given the poor girl did have a major accident a while back, I'm going to let her claim brain damage. This might also explain why she is stuck dressing like a 16yr old going to prom in the 80s (and who the hell wears a tiara anymore???unless its your b-day!). If its not that, then she is enjoying something way better/stronger than Whitney Houston. Paula, if you haven't heard, maybe because you were too busy spacing out, Crack is Wack!

just to add, I'm so glad Brooke is off! Grow some balls chick! I've never seen a newborn baby cry that much!