So two young (for lack of a better word) Contractor helpers came in on Tuesday to pick up their supplies and I started chatting with them as they were waiting. I'm a friendly person as I've mentioned before so the convo was nothing more than the normal customer/employee chit chat.
Well 10min go by and the phone rings, (yes the annoying phone) and it's him.
Joe- Hey, I was just in there picking up my order
Me- Yes
Joe - I bought the yellow crew driver..
Me- Yes
Joe- Oh, ok. Well I was wondering if you wanted to go out and play pool with me one night?
Me- (SPEECHLESS) umm.... wow that's so flattering but ummm.... (Beware Lie ahead) I just got out of a serious relationship and I promised myself I wouldn't date for a while. But Thank you so much...that was very sweet of you to ask.
Joe - Oh ok well have a nice day.
Me- ok you too.
OK I absolutely had no clue which one he was but still this is where I stand and why "the lie" was used. Things I've learned from guys in the past:
-Don't date guys that are shorter than you....b/c no matter what they say at the beginning the insecurities always come out later.
-Don't ever date a guy with a lower income than yours - same insecurities come out later.
-Don't date a guy with a much lower education than you - conversations and interest tend to be way different. Now this isn't with all but I've found it with most. Plus this tends to run hand in hand with the income.
-He must be close to my equal in regards to interests, life style, and morals...and he must be confident! Not perfect just confident.
None of these things have to do with looks. If you truly understand me you will see they shape a persons personality and compatibility with you.... Long term relationship compatibility. I'm at the age where I won't date someone I know there's no long term possibility with. Looks are just the cover of the book...and I must have a great novel to know I will stay interested past the intro. Know what I mean??
Ok so if you are still following me, you can put two and two together and see that no matter which guy this was I'm not going to be interested long term because...
1. he is most likely only a high school graduate.
2. if you heard the way he spoke it was obvious he didn't get much from that high school education
3. I don't live on this side of town (I'm helping at a branch that's an hour away from my house)
4. not sure playing pool with him and his friend will make me be more interested
5. him being a "helper" makes me not even want to know his income.
6. something told me he would only want to play pool or hang with his buddies....not go out on the town and hang out with my friends.
OK right about now, you're probably thinking I'm being a total snob! but really I'm not, its completely rational. I'm a college graduate. I don't make a lot of money but I can support myself without help from a roommate or family. I like to read and learn. And I hate petty fights....like "do you have to wear your heals tonight" or "you don't have to pay for me! I just won't go".
I know dating for me has come to a halt lately but I think I've been pretty accurate on my dating choices looking back on the relationships I've had in the past.....1yr, 3yrs, 2yrs, 1yr. So I must be doing something right. Now although they didn't work out they still had great potential! Sometimes there's one big obstacle you just can't over come.
So what is your opinion...honestly. I'm curious to hear if anyone things I'm being WAY too picky!
Thanks to everyone for your well wishes!! I'm feeling much better today but that probably has a lot to do with me sleeping a good 10hrs and coming into work late.
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7 comments:
Okay...(breathing, cracking knuckles and neck)
A.gator:
Honey, you are very accurate, and you are def. not a snob. You have expectations to have met. And its kind of like he gave you his cover letter, you took one sentence and chunked it. When you are dating YES guys you are applying for a full-time job. Esp. if its someone around "our" age, hence my latest post
http://blindspotbella.blogspot.com/2008/04/just-landedsos-mayday-shes-going-down.html
'we' are already going towards the marriage thoughts and planning what our life would be like if we could only find Mr. Perfect.
-----BUT------
There is no Mr. Perfect. No Ken here in this lifetime or any for that matter....and yes guys as much as we would like to think Barbie in real life exsists (other then Giselle, and Alessandra) I mean really...its a fantasy. Smack it out of your head.
~~~~~~~~~So..............
You have every right, you are in fact entitled to every notion in your head and your dating requirements to be just such. I mean in the long run its not the critical over zealous eyes that judge you for this that you end up with 30 years from now while you sleep in bed....NO, its you. Just you....sleeping next to the man (or need I say woman for others) that makes you happy, that completes you, that you honestly can not live with out or breathe with out...so honey your requirements are just fine ;)
Let the people say what they want, if they want to criticize you for your expectations perhaps they should re-evalutate themselves, and theirs!
Ditto Taylor... the best thing that can happen to anyone is to find mr. or miss. best for each other and to make it last.
------------and---------------<-fun
Everyone draws the line somewhere? So you decide where it drawn.
Ideally, none of those things are important, but they drastically lessen the odds of things working out. It's a lot like poker: you decide which hands are worth playing, odds-wise, and it sounds like this one wasn't.
After dating a slew of woefully underemployed women, I finally realized: I don't have to fight the class war in my dating life. That girl at the coffee shop may be making eyes at me, but I am too damned old to be dating a girl who works in a coffee shop.
sounds like you've learned what you like-
“I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you."”
Kinda funny... My wife and I met when we were in our early 30's (just you never mind how old we are now). We were attracted to each other, but we had several weeks of "negotiations," getting to know each other, setting expectations and boundaries, and finding out what the other wants in a relationship. Had we not done that, we may not have made it as a couple... It's important to know what you want, why you want it, and what compromises you're willing to make.
Another quick note -- you're dead on about height. I've dated women just a few inches taller than I with no problem, but twice I've dated women over 6'2" -- each time, as you indicated, a sneaking feeling of insecurity started sneaking in... (At the time I was feeling kinda fragile anyway, and wasn't very secure in myself to begin with.)
Taylor - Thanks! But of course they all require your approval! haha!
Elpato - yes I do draw the -------
and it is fun to draw the -------
Pistols - I'm sure that coffee house girl was hott too...they always are. I hate getting a cute waiter or store cashier. Sometimes its hard to say no.
Matt - I SHOULD HOPE NOT EITHER! When people are sad they tend not to think! HAHA!
Chris - you are so right. Key word: compromise!
"Don't date guys that are shorter than you"
What the h is this!?
That's it... this blog is boycotted.
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